


RC #333 Mission #3: Featuring Dante from the Devil May Cry Series

by SkarmorySilver



Series: Protectors of the Plot Continuum: Response Center #333 [5]
Category: Devil May Cry, Kingdom Hearts, Protectors of the Plot Continuum
Genre: Beige Prose, Crossover, Department of Implausible Crossovers, Mini, PPC Mission, Sporking - Freeform, badfic, mini-Mundus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 19:32:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14527632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkarmorySilver/pseuds/SkarmorySilver
Summary: In which a story talks too little and says even littler.





	RC #333 Mission #3: Featuring Dante from the Devil May Cry Series

**Author's Note:**

> \- **Copyright Disclaimer:** The PPC and all related property belong to Jay and Acacia, and all agents that are not mine belong to their respective owners. _The Incredibles_ (Sarah's home continuum) belongs to Pixar and Brad Bird. _Pokémon_ and _Kid Icarus_ (the home continuua of Lapis and Cupid, respectively) belong to Nintendo and any affiliated companies thereof. The _Godzilla_ franchise belongs to Toho Studios, and the 2014 _Godzilla_ film specifically belongs to Legendary Pictures and Gareth Edwards. _Sonic the Hedgehog_ belongs to SEGA. All other canons and continua belong to their respective owners. Agents Sarah Squall, Cupid Carmine, and Lapis Lazuli belong to me, and Alex Dives belongs to Iximaz and foofooman3.  
>  The fic being sporked, ["Devil May Cry The alternate Universe"](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6352682/1/Devil-May-Cry-The-alternate-Universe), belongs to [SephirothsFlame](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/2315162/SephirothsFlame), who may kindly keep it.
> 
> \- **Betas:** Edhelistar.
> 
> \- **Rating:** T/PG-13 - Brevity is the soul of wit. Overly excessive brevity is the soul of "Okay, I'll stop caring about your work now."
> 
> \- **Original Posting Date:** April 4, 2015
> 
> \- [Original Document](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yb6_mKbFR3Ii9T6FFKYMU6jyJLSCP-NZ4MocGacIXsQ/edit)  
> 

> “Trish… Devils never cry. These tears, tears are a gift only humans have.”
> 
> — Dante,  _ Devil May Cry  _ (2001)
> 
>  

**Pre-Mission**

 

“Hey Cupid, have you seen my 3DS?” asked Sarah, peeking out of the bathroom, wearing her bathrobe with a towel wrapped around her hair.

The angel blinked at her in surprise, and made to cover himself with his wings. He couldn’t tell her straight away that he’d spent over an hour playing with the very thing she’d been looking for.

“I — uh — no, I haven’t!” he lied, getting up from the Writhing Mass which he had been using as a makeshift beanbag chair. He considered hiding the 3DS behind his back for a moment, but then he tossed it into the Mass a moment later, just to be safe.

Unfortunately, Lapis chose that precise moment to enter the RC and catch him red-handed.

“Hey! I saw you throw that in there!” she said indignantly.

“W-what?! I didn’t —”

“Sarah’s console. We’ll need it for exorcising canons if we get a new mission.”

Cupid hid his face behind his wings in shame. “Sorry,” he said guiltily. “I didn’t know you needed it so soon!”

“I don’t need it right  _ now _ ,” the Super replied before vanishing into the bathroom again. “I just wanted to know what happened to it. Have you been playing with it?”

“Yeah! I spent the last hour playing  _ Smash Bros.  _ for the 3DS!” said Cupid, before reaching into the Writhing Mass to fish out the console.

“I can see why,” Sarah replied with a chuckle. “But next time, Angel Face, at least ask me first!”

“Any other games you happen to have on this thing?” he asked, his voice now muffled due to now being buried up to his waist in the Mass. Deep within its depths, he’d begun wrestling with some of the tentacles which were playing a game of keep-away with the 3DS.

“ _ Donkey Kong Country Returns 3D, Pokémon X, The Lego Movie  _ video game _ , Kid Icarus: Uprising, Kirby: Triple Deluxe _ , and  _ Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance.  _ And I may get some more pretty soon.”

Cupid’s legs started kicking wildly about when in a bid to stall him, the Writhing Mass invited him to an impromptu poke war, which he lost almost immediately.

“Nice to see you’re catching up with most of the Nintendo continua!” Lapis replied instead. “But we shouldn’t get so complacent. Just because we haven’t gotten a new mission for a while doesn’t mean —”

**[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!]**

The blue-haired girl shrieked in terror and dove into the closet.

“Point taken,” Sarah said promptly, having gotten dressed before the console had gone off. She stepped out of the bathroom and headed over to pull her still-giggling male partner out of the startled Writhing Mass. Cupid had just enough time to grab the 3DS before being yanked out and ending up faceplanting onto the floor.

“I got the thing!” he panted, sitting up and holding the console triumphantly into the air. The Mass tried to grab at it with a small tentacle, but he backed off and held it out of its reach.

Sarah took the 3DS from her partner before going over to the console. She hit the red button and read the report, a bemused look on her face. “ _ Kingdom Hearts _ and…  _ Devil May Cry? _ ”

Cupid looked at her, a little confused. “I’m a bit familiar with  _ Kingdom Hearts _ , but I have no idea about that other continuum except for the fact that its protagonist is that white-haired guy named Dante. It sounds pretty cool, though!”

The Writhing Mass raised a tentacle, as though as an offer to come with him, but he turned and ordered it to “Stay.”

“I’m afraid I can’t be of any help, either,” Lapis’ voice spoke from deep within the closet. “So I guess that means we’ll have to rely on the Fictionary for this one.”

“What’s a Fictionary?” asked Cupid.

Lapis opened the closet door, holding what looked like a gray brick with buttons and a grainy black-and-white screen. “This thing,” she explained, “is the Pocket Fictionary. It’s what agents use for continua they don’t know well. I read about it during my research period at the Nursery, and we’ll need to get cartridges for both of the continua we’re visiting. Gimme a sec…”

Once she’d found the right cartridges from the wide selection of canon material, Lapis shut the closet door behind her and headed over to the other agents, who were already programming their disguises. Cupid had slipped on the magical bracelet from his first mission which concealed his wings, for they’d be useless and conspicuous in either of the continua presented.

“How did you know that the Fictionary and the canon material were stored in the closet?” he asked to Lapis.

The blue-haired girl shrugged, took out her spray-on hair-dye, and colored her hair to conceal her obnoxious highlights. “Oh, I don’t know,” she replied bitingly. “I just know.”

“Because you hide in the closet every time the console goes off?” Sarah said teasingly.

“Well, yeah! I guess there’s that,” Lapis replied, scratching the back of her neck.

“Since we’re going into a world similar to  _ Final Fantasy, _ ” Cupid asked to the Super agent, “do you think we’ll be getting Square Enix or Traverse Town outfits?”

“Most likely,” the Super responded. “Though if we do end up in the  _ Devil May Cry  _ continuum, we’ll have to be careful.”

“I guess you’ll have to take point on this one,” Lapis admitted. “You have more experience than us by default, and I get the feeling you may know  _ Kingdom Hearts  _ better than either of us, seeing as you’re from a Disney continuum.”

“Actually,  _ The Incredibles  _ was released  _ before _ Disney bought Pixar,” Sarah corrected, opening up a portal in the middle of the RC. “Anyway, right then! Let’s get to work!”

 

* * *

 

**The Mission**

 

The agents stepped into the pre-fic space, and almost instantly, two characters appeared. One had white hair and a red coat, and the other had light blue hair and a blue coat. The two newcomers instantly drew swords and charged at each other.

 

> **Dante clashed swords with his brother, Vergil, in the demon world. Vergil had an extreme lust for power and this lust would harm humans. Dante had to put a stop to it.**
> 
> **Vergil threw his fathers sword at Dante piercing him deeply, but thanks to his regenerative ability, he was alright.**

 

Lapis fumbled with the Fictionary for a few moments before managing to scan the two canons. “It says here that Dante is the main protagonist of the  _ Devil May Cry _ series, as Cupid said earlier. And Vergil is his twin brother and his polar opposite, as well as the main antagonist in the third installment.”

“It seems fitting that they’d have a go at each other,” said Cupid. “Kinda like my canon double and Pittoo!”

 

**Dante grabbed Force Edge and threw it back at Virgil. Virgil tried to catch it, but to no avail. The sword was through his hand leaving him wide open.**

**Dante rushed towards Virgil and sliced him across his chest. Virgil's regenerative ability halted, which is when Virgil realized. "Am I... being defeated?" Virgil said while on his knees.**

**Dante's attitude changed back to it's usual, cocky, tone. "Come on get up, you can do better than that!"**

 

“How in-character are these guys?” asked Cupid.

“We’ll have to run them by the C-CAD to be sure,” Sarah replied. “Maybe we’ll do it once this battle is —”

 

> **Virgil got back up ready to fight but then a light blinded the twins. "What is this? The portal closing?" Dante asked his brother.**
> 
> **" No, the portal is not here Dante. Remember where you entered from? That's where the portal closes".**
> 
> **Dante, almost as if not listening, asked Virgil "What is this thing!" But before the argument could continue, they were enveloped in the light.**

 

Abruptly, the chapter ended, leaving the three agents thunderstruck.

“THAT’S IT?!” Sarah shouted. “ _ THAT’S _ THE FIRST CHAPTER?!”

“It sounded more like a prologue to me,” said Lapis.

Cupid stared blankly into space. “I have no idea what just happened,” he said dully.

“And it’s only gonna get worse from here, isn’t it?” Lapis muttered.

“I’ll bet,” her partners replied simultaneously.

This was followed by the appearance of a strange creature, about half as tall as the agents, which looked like an animated statue of a bearded angel with a hole in its chest. Inside this hole was a red eye-like core.

Cupid looked down at the little statue in confusion. “What is this thing? I don’t remember any Heartless or Dream Eaters looking like that…”

Lapis scanned it with the Fictionary and raised an eyebrow. “It looks like this guy named Mundus, and it says here that he was the primary antagonist of the first  _ Devil May Cry. _ Could it be a mini-Mundus?”

“It’s spelled Vergil and not  **Virgil** ,” said Sarah, borrowing the Fictionary to check again. “So yeah, I think it is!”

“Can we get to the next chapter already?” asked Cupid. “This place looks scary!”

“What’s so scary about Generic Space?” Sarah replied dryly. “They didn’t say  _ where _ in the  _ Devil May Cry _ continuum this first chapter took place. But yeah, you’re right. We’ve gotta catch up with the canons!”

The other agents nodded, and watched her open a PPC-edition portal to Chapter 2. Two more characters appeared: a teenager with a giant key and spiky brown hair, and a tall, elegant, effeminate man with a black cloak, long pink hair and a flower-colored scythe.

“I recognize Sora, but who’s the other guy?” asked Cupid.

 

> **Sora looked at Marluxia's transformation. "What is this?"**
> 
> **Marluxia laughed "Witness your light fade away in this world of nothingness!"**
> 
> **Sora searched around but didn't see Donald or Goofy anywhere.**

 

The agents searched through the Fictionary until they found the right name. “Marluxia,” said Sarah. “The main antagonist of Sora’s story arc in  _ Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories. _ ”

“We must be witnessing the final battle of this particular game!” said Cupid. “I can’t really tell what’s happening, though. I’ve never played anything non-Nintendo aside from games directly affiliated with  _ Smash Bros. _ ”

“Don’t feel bad,” said Sarah. “We’re not that familiar with this continuum, either. Well, I’m a  _ bit _ more versed in it, if the fact that I’m keeping my fingers crossed that  _ Kingdom Hearts III  _ has an  _ Incredibles _ world is any indicator.”

Lapis blinked. “They’re making a third  _ Kingdom Hearts _ game?”

“Yeah. We haven’t gotten any major bombshells about it, though, aside from the fact that we won’t be seeing a  _ Frozen  _ world anytime soon.”

“Thank Arceus,” the blue-haired girl said with a sigh of relief. “I don’t dislike that movie, don’t get me wrong, but legendaries, the  _ merchandising… _ ”

 

> **After the battle, Sora followed Namine to the Room of Sleep. After a conversation on which decision Sora wanted to follow, he went into a deep sleep.**

 

All three agents stared up at the Words, completely dumbstruck.

“All right,  _ that friggin’ does it! _ ” Sarah spat, feeling her stomach churn uncomfortably. “If the first defined scenery we come across happens to be as buge as this prose, I wouldn’t be surprised at all!”

“There’s no emotional goodbyes, no deep epilogue scenes —  _ poutanas gios,  _ there’s practically  _ nothing  _ except ‘and they did this, end of scene’!” Cupid agreed. “Lady Palutena, I feel so…  _ unclean! _ ”

“Not to be rude here, but you won’t feel dirty unless you make the mistake of jumping into a trollfic where everybody’s totally OOC, the awful spelling produces at least a dozen minis, and the Gary Stu turns into a troll and tries to kill you,” the Super replied sourly, opening up a portal to the next chapter.

“Wait, did that actually happen to you?” asked Lapis.

“That’s pretty much how my very first mission went down,” Sarah admitted. “My brother had to be sent to Medical with a broken wing after he tried to rescue me. His partner never forgave me for not having the patience to let her sort it out, and I’ve never been able to get along with her since then.”

“Ouch,” Cupid said with a sympathetic wince. “Sounds like you had a bad time.”

“You think?!” the black-haired girl shot back. “You tried to  _ kill her,  _ for Hulk’s sake!”

 

> **Dante awoke inside a white room inside a flower.**
> 
> **"Great, did I fall into a dream?" He looked around and found that he wasn't but was in fact in reality. Taking a walk around to figure out where he was, he noticed two other pods with... People?**
> 
> **"What in the hell!" Dante stared in awe at the sleeping dog and duck. Normally this wouldn't creep you out but they were wearing clothes.**
> 
> **Dante tried to break open the flowers but couldn't, that's how secure they were. He figured he would give up and look around some more and entered a bigger white room and also a bigger pod.**

 

The scenery finally defined itself, becoming a white room not unlike the one where Sora was contained near the start of  _ Kingdom Hearts II _ . Dante was in a literal giant flower, having slept at the center of its petals. Then he somehow teleported into another room, no doubt the one with the  _ Kingdom Hearts  _ hero.

“I hope that wasn’t one of the Flowers,” Sarah muttered angrily.

“They’re different than regular plants, though,” Lapis pointed out. “And anyway, we’ve got bigger problems. Like the fact that Dante’s here in the first place.”

“And Vergil’s nowhere to be seen,” added Cupid. “We’ll need to fish him out of a plot hole when we’re done.”

Then  **a person with a hood over their body and a weird shaped sword** appeared and exchanged conversation with Dante, after which he decided that the  _ Devil May Cry _ protagonist had to be defeated. And as before, the chapter ended then and there.

“Oh my dear ever-loving Asgard, make it  _ staaaaahp, _ ” Sarah groaned, clutching her head and her stomach in a bid not to puke all over the floor.

“Y’know what, let’s just get this taken care of,” said Lapis. “Dante and Vergil are the only two characters who need to be returned, and the rest can be simply neuralyzed and left to resume the canon.”

“Sounds good,” said Cupid. “My world’s turning slightly brown, and it’s making me uncomfortable. No no, wait! Lady Palutena, it’s beige! And _red!_ At the same time — OH MY GODDESSES, _MY EYES!!! AAAAAGH —_ ”

Taking the hint, the agents portaled their way to the next chapter, and prepared to make their move.

 

> **Dante stared at the boy with a whole different expression on his face "I don't want**
> 
> **to fight a kid".**
> 
> **Not regarding Dante's words, the boy leaped towards Dante and got a clean hit. Dante's cockiness got the best of him as Dante felt his regeneration stopping.**
> 
> **"What? One hit?" Dante looked once again at the hooded boy. "I should have taken you seriously".**
> 
> **The hooded boy jumped and prepared a slash and hit Dante's arm. But to his surprise, Dante was perfectly fine.**
> 
> **"Royalguard" Dante whispered as he used the stored power and hit through the boy, hurting him immensely.**
> 
> **His hood fell off and Dante saw a boy with straight white hair.**
> 
> **"Come on! I thought only me and Vergil had white hair. I don't feel so special anymore." Dante ranted when the boy cut him off.**
> 
> **"Riku, that's my name."**

 

Unfortunately, no matter wherever the agents went, the world was still tinted in sickening buge. They stared in shock and horror at the scene unfolding before them.

Lapis fumbled through the Fictionary and gasped. “Dante would  _ never _ attack anyone so freely!” she cried, shielding her eyes from the ugly shade of very sparse description. “According to the Fictionary, Dante has a strong sense of honor, and I’ll bet that applies to anyone younger than him!”

“Should we scan him, then?” asked Cupid, his eyes still squeezed tightly shut.

Sarah obliged, taking out the C-CAD and pointing it at the canons.

 

_ [Dante. Human/demon hybrid. Devil May Cry canon. Out of Character 78.34% and rising. WARNING! POSSIBLE CHARACTER POSSESSION!] _

_ [Riku. Human. Kingdom Hearts canon. Out of Character 14.50%.] _

 

“Fantastic,” Lapis hissed. “Simply fantastic. Should we check for Sue-wraiths just to be sure?”

“I don’t know. Riku seems fine,” said Cupid. “It’s Dante we should be worried about!”

“Oh… Oh no,” Sarah gasped in horror. “I just realized… There aren’t any  _ Devil May Cry _ games for the 3DS! Which means we can’t tell whether he’s possessed or not!”

“Of  _ course _ there aren’t any!” Lapis snapped. “That’s a Capcom franchise, not a Nintendo one!”

“But Nintendo has released Capcom games before, like  _ Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate _ ,” Cupid pointed out.

“Yeah,” the blue-haired girl replied harshly. “But not  _ Devil May Cry. _ ”

Riku continued the fight by duplicating himself and attacking him with his copies, but Dante fended them all off with a copy technique of his own, and then shot Riku in both legs.

And once again, the chapter ended.

Sarah couldn’t take it anymore. She crumpled to the floor and vomited loudly, the retching noise drawing the attention of both canons.

“Who are you?!” Dante cried out, raising his pistols  **Ebony and Ivory** and pointing them at the group.

Lapis shrieked and hid behind Cupid, pushing him towards the canons. He waved nervously, wishing he’d brought a set of Guardian Orbitars with him on this mission.

“Uh… Nice guns!” he said. “You work out or something? I, uh, I’d like to see what you’d look like without a shirt on!”

Dante and Riku both stared at him in total bewilderment. That was all Sarah needed. Springing to her feet, she karate-chopped both guns out of Dante’s hands, before grabbing his wrists and forcing them behind his back.

“Anybody got any smoke bombs?!” she cried.

Lapis facepalmed. “We didn’t bring any! We didn’t think there’d be any Sue-wraiths here!”

“Sue-wraiths?!” Cupid exclaimed, looking wildly about. “Where?!”

“Blame our unfamiliarity with the canon,” Lapis said in a flustered voice, scanning the Fictionary. “But I can tell at a glance that Dante wouldn’t shoot a guy’s legs just to disable him —”

“—the way he just did to Riku!” Sarah finished, finding it hard to restrain the incredibly powerful half-demon even with her super-strength. “Guys,  _ do something! _ ”

“What’s the best way to banish a Sue-wraith on short notice?!” Lapis asked frantically.

“Think of them as being akin to Ghost-type Pokémon! They’re weak to Dark and Ghost attacks, right?”

“Yeah, but we don’t have any Dark-type attacks to — Cupid, what are you  _ doing?! _ ”

A sudden thought had occurred to the angel, and before the girls could react, he’d run up to Dante and slapped him in the face.

A glittery urple thing poured out from the canon’s mouth and rose into the air above them. It looked at Cupid and pitifully wailed, “What was that for?!”

With a mighty heave, Sarah shoved the canon aside and sprang into action. Whipping out her bag and opening it up, she pulled out her two-handed sword. “By order of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum,” she spat angrily at the Sue-wraith, grabbing its attention, “you are hereby convicted of producing buge prose, making your chapters too short and with too little content, creating a mini-Mundus, making Dante hurt people on a whim, and giving me nausea! So long, sucker!”

The wraith swooped at the Super, who promptly sliced it in half with one mighty swing. With a final scream, it dissolved into urple mist and vanished, and the world returned to its normal colors in less than a second.

“Huh. Well, that was quick,” said Sarah. “How did that happen, anyway?”

“I’m a purified Sue-wraith,” Cupid reminded her. “Wow, I honestly didn’t think that would work!”

“Apparently, wraiths are wraiths no matter what form they take,” Lapis chuckled, scratching the back of her neck. “So, does this mean we’re done?”

“Not quite,” said Sarah. “We still need to get Riku to Medical and return the canons to their rightful place.”

Cupid nodded, taking his RA out of his bag. A few moments later, Riku was dumped through a portal and into the ward of a rather surprised angel nurse.

As for Vergil and Dante, Sarah handled the heavy lifting and portal coordinates, while Lapis dealt with the neuralyzation (due to her holding the Fictionary). Eventually, the canons went through the portal and back into their home world, leaving the agents to head back to their RC.

 

* * *

 

**Post-Mission**

 

“Okay,  _ now _ we’re done,” said Sarah, closing the portal behind them.

“In that case, can I have the 3DS back?” asked Cupid.

“Honestly, I’d like to play with it a little myself,” the Super replied apologetically. “I’ll make sure to buy one for you once we can afford it, though! That way we’ll have two makeshift wraith scopes for next time!”

“That was actually a pretty quick mission,” Lapis noted. “Then again, I guess that’s what happens if you limit your chapters to a single scene and less than twenty lines of action and dialogue combined.”

“And we didn’t even get to see much of the  _ Devil May Cry _ continuum, either,” Cupid mused aloud, flopping back onto the Writhing Mass. “Weird. I thought it was going to be an actual crossover.”

“Yeah, some of these fics have just one character finding themselves in a whole other world,” said Sarah. “Like what happened to Pit on our first mission together. Ah, if only the rest of our missions were this easy.”

“So, you could say we went into a  _ Kingdom Hearts _ badfic… ‘Featuring Dante from the  _ Devil May Cry _ series’?” the angel agent asked with innocent look on his face.

“ _ CUPID! _ ” his partners groaned simultaneously.

 

#  **[END]**

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Huh. Well. Okay, then. I guess the badfic being too short means I don’t have much to say about it, don’t I?
> 
> Wait, I do? Oh, right.
> 
> Okay, first off, I don’t like sporking badfics that have too little content, because it doesn’t give me much to work with. I have to struggle to make anything interesting if a badfic is only two chapters long, or if it has a bunch of chapters but they don’t last any more than like, a dozen lines or so. I don’t deal with one-shots for this reason, but they’re not supposed to have chapters or anything so it’s okay for them to be, well, one-shots. But if you’re writing something with chapters, one thing you shouldn’t do is make them short enough — and more importantly, described poorly enough — that you could theoretically put all the chapters together, end to end, and the result will be about as long as a single chapter from some other, better-written work. I honestly expected something longer and more detailed when I went into this fic, and the fact that it ended up being exactly like I just advised against really disgusted me while actually sporking it. I can only imagine that people wouldn’t like actually reading it either for the same reason.
> 
> I will concede that the premise of the fic, Dante ending up in the Kingdom Hearts universe and going through the implications of such, would be pretty interesting if done well. Alas, the very minimalistic text of this fic does not lend itself to “doing it well”. Especially the fight scenes, which are pretty much beyond beige to the point where I’m starting to think that “buge prose” is gonna be an actual thing. I also would’ve liked to see more of the DMC universe — heck, if Sora had ended up there in some kind of switcheroo, I’m sure it would’ve been pretty hilarious. But yeah, I personally hate reading sparse narrative, and if it’s sparse enough that it could work better as a one-off than a series of chapters, you’re doing it wrong. Very, very wrong.
> 
> I plan to do at least one more mission with these kids before setting them aside for collabs with other Boarders. I can promise that my next mission should be more substantial, though whether or not that’s a good thing is anybody’s guess. XD
> 
> — SkarmorySilver
> 
> Rescued minis:  
> -Devil May Cry (mini-Munduses):  
> \--Virgil


End file.
